Bittersweet

I’m feeling so strange and conflicted. On the one hand, I am absolutely ready to be done. I’m burnt out, exhausted and ready to move on to the next thing. I am ready for the next adventure. I have done pretty much everything I wanted to do here in Brisbane. I’m ready to eat different foods, see different scenery and be done with Uni for a while. On the other hand, it’s painful and it’s scary to say goodbye. I love Brisbane. I love it here. It’s become my home. I have my routines, my favorite place to stop for sushi, I’ve figured out how to get pretty much anywhere on public transport, I know where you can get $3 drinks on a Wednesday night. I’m so sad at the thought that I might never ever in my life see this beautiful place ever again. Although I know that if I want to come back, all it takes is time and money. (Really, any problem can be solved with enough time and money…) I am bored, feeling stagnant, burnt out, ready for something new. And yet… I’m happy with where I am right now and I’m not sure if I want to go just yet. There’s this strange dichotomy in my mind: I feel like I just got here, and simultaneously, like I’ve lived here all my life. I’ve lived in Brisbane for 10 minutes and simultaneously 20 years. I am so glad my parents are coming over at the end of the program rather than during this break. Maybe it’s selfish, but those extra 20 days in Oz are going to be as precious as diamonds to me.   I will do my best to savor these last weeks in the land down under. I have 3 more full days in Brisbane, then 7 in Cairns, 14 on the North Island of New Zealand with my class, then 16 traveling all over the eastern half of the continent with my parents. A little over a month left in this beautiful, foreign-yet-familiar world. So all at once, I mourn and I rejoice, I smile and I cry, and I count down the moments left.

In the Homestretch

I am so close to done, it’s almost a little scary. Just an exam tomorrow and and exam Tuesday, and I pack up and leave HWS for 8 months. It’s pretty much the definition of bittersweet. On the one hand, I am super stoked to be done with school for a bit. I can’t wait to spend more than 3 days at home, snuggle with my dog and cat, hang out and play tennis and watch movies with my little sister and my best friend. I’ll be able to sleep in my own bed, take showers without flip flops, and I won’t have to worry about how much of my meal plan I’m using. I’m really excited to fly to Florida with my two best friends for an awesome adventure. I’m stoked to start my internship at the MMRL, a place that I’m already pretty comfortable at and have a foundation to build on. And, of course, I can’t wait to leave on the biggest adventure of my life at the end of August, when I head to Australia for 3 and a half months.

And yet… I’m going to miss this place. HWS has become my home. I’m going to miss all of the friends I’ve grown close to this year. Lots of us are scattering across the globe. Some are graduating, and I may never see them again. The little ensemble cast of characters in my sit com of a life is getting a complete shake up. I won’t be living with my current housemates. I won’t be able to sneak down to the living room at 4 am when I can’t sleep to find Sam and Lyn snoring over their laptops. Midnight runs to Timmy Ho’s will be temporarily suspended. Laughing over webwork and chem problem sets will be put on hold. Staying up late watching Bollywood movies will be shelved for a later date. You get the idea.

I guess it comes down to change. Change is scary sometimes, but change is good. Moving from one thing to another is a necessary part of life. And I’ll keep growing, and I’ll keep changing, and I’ll keep working to be the best student, intern, friend, daughter, sister that I can be.

Yours,

Vanessa